Could it be that I can not forget him?

So we had a special crush 5 years ago at high school. We were with each other for about more than 1 month or so. The feelings were like nothing I have ever felt, even until now, after dating with many other guys. We stopped because he had to go to the US, and I have always wanted to go to the UK. I don't like the idea of changing my dream to be close to the person I really love. I also thought that it was just a crush, and that time would erase everything.

I have been living unhappily for that last 5 years. Time kind of helped me heal the wound. Last year, I still cried a lot thinking about him, whether I was right or wrong. Now, I don't think I will cry anymore as I don't think I have more tears and the idea is also pretty absurd. It's been 5 years, hell of a long time for a young person.

However, I noticed that I have been dreaming about him, the guy 5 years ago, not my most recent ex (although I still feel something about my ex, just not very much, but definitely something). In my dream, I was very happy hanging out with the guy 5 years ago. Last night, in my dream, I decided to let myself go and kissed him (We've never kissed each other as we were both very shy, and we were 15 at a time, never had a date, always went with friends, as both families controlled us all the time). I think it's worth mentioning that I am a lucid dreamer. I didn't just dream that I kissed him, I DECIDED to kiss him in my dream as I knew that it would be the only chance that I could ever do it.

I have not kissed anyone since after him either. I guess I'm not much of a kisser. Also, as far as I could remember, last night was the first time I kissed someone in a dream.

Am I normal? Why couldn't I forget him? I so tired of being like this. I want to move on. I want to find someone else but whoever came, I started to compare them with him. Yet, I want to accept that I can be with someone different, maybe better etc

Please help. I'm afraid of closing my eyes tonight. I have been staying up so late so that I get so tired that I would just fall in a deep sleep and forget whatever I dreamt about and I don't want to live like this anymore.

Many thanks